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Are You Confrontational?

5/13/2018

5 Comments

 
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​Confrontation is often seen in such negative light. Confrontation is strongly associated with shouting, screaming, fighting and aggression. It can also be seen as upsetting someone or making someone angry and therefore assumed as a negative interaction, when the intent of the confrontation was to simply put our point of view across.
 
To an extent this may be true, but let’s look at it a bit more closely.
 
Of course, confrontation can take place when there are opposing ideas where our ego can come in the way and we feel the need to defeat the other party.  This can get out of hand depending on the passion that both parties put into proving their points or in winning their arguments.  It may also show how strongly they believe in their views.
 
So, let’s look at the consequences of confrontation, that end with aggression:

  • It damages self-esteem of the person who feels defeated
  • Feelings of embarrassment and anger can surface and may make a person do or say something regrettable
  • It can spoil relationships
 
Are these arguments worth having? Even if you win the argument, at what cost?
 
So, how can we deal with confrontation?

  • Be open to different perspectives
  • Accept that you don’t have to be right or win the argument/point of view
  • Listen and try to understand what the other person is trying to say
  • Don’t listen to respond… listen to understand
  • Stay calm and take turns in expressing your views
  • Remember, it is not about winning all the time, it is about being open minded to different views and perceptions
  • Keep your ego in check and think about why you are so passionate about your views
  • Be rational and logical
  • Bear in mind that you don’t have to agree, but you can accept that it is their view and they are entitled to it
  • It is not a competition
 
Has this made sense? Do you feel that it has resonated with you in any way?
 
If you wish to learn more about how to manage the confrontational part of you or if you are afraid of confronting someone, click on contact page to make that initial appointment.

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5 Comments
Urvashi
5/13/2018 04:30:59 pm

Very informative and timely article. In a society where having a strong piont of view and an inflated ego is often perceived as healthy, we may easily sideline what our confrontations may be causing and leading to. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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Raj Sharmila
5/13/2018 07:55:40 pm

Very good and informative article. Thanks a lot.

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Jessy Rogers
5/13/2018 07:57:00 pm

Very well written.

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Nilesh Parmar
5/13/2018 11:49:05 pm

Interesting topic to examine. Many people don't realise they're being confrontational and therefore don't know foresee the consequences.

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Steven Lyon link
5/16/2018 01:31:24 am

Nice piece - would also add that sometimes the confronter can also feel defeated and less esteemed even when they win. Its equivalent of rumination "Oh why do I always have to put my foot in it?"

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    Kajal is a practicing counsellor based in Harrow. Northwest London.

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