Valentine’s Day is almost here. Commercially it has been hyped up and displayed everywhere you go. It is great for people who have a “Valentine” and are looking forward to celebrating the day.

However, what about people who may be single, recently broke up from a relationship, or may have lost their valentine due to death or other circumstances?
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To these ones, Valentines Day may not seem fair and could cause emotional pain.  It could also bring up painful memories of loss or the reminder of a lack of a relationship.

How can we survive such an emotionally charged day if this is how we feel?

Also, it would raise the question: Why are loved ones expected to shower each other with extra efforts, gifts, time and money to acknowledge the love for each other specifically on this day?

Read my 7 tips to how to survive Valentine’s Day

1. It is ok: Tell yourself it is ok to be single, not to have a date or a relationship.
2. Be your own Valentine: It is time to show love to yourself by doing something special for yourself that would make you happy.
3. Show your strength: It is a sign of strength by not giving into the hype and by feeling sad or sorry for yourself.  Having a relationship with you shows your strength.
4. Acknowledge YOU: Take a day out to pamper yourself by treating yourself to a treatment, do meditation, go shopping, arrange a get together with your friends, go to a museum and spend some quality time with yourself.  
5. Remind: Remind yourself Valentine’s Day is not just on 14th Feb.  Love for yourself should be celebrated everyday.
6. Loss/Grief: If you have lost your loved one due to a break up, through death, or any other circumstances and are missing them, try and think of good memories of them, and treasure those memories and try to find peace within yourself.  
7. Nothing lasts forever: Remember, situations will change.  Who knows, your valentine could be just round the corner and you may be celebrating the whole year with them soon rather than just on Valentine’s day.

Here are my parting words on this matter:

​Valentine’s day is what you make of it. Being your own valentine is important before being someone else’s.  Try and make the most of each day by loving yourself and spreading love to others. Let me know which tips worked for you and get in touch if you would like some support around any of these issues.



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​It’s October here already and since the last 2-3 weeks we have started to see the change in the weather. Wind, cold, rain, it seems like the cold weather has just crept in without us realizing and summer seems far-gone!  Here is some help to cope with the changing season.

At some point we all find difficult to communicate 'NO" to something or someone even when we don't want to say yes.

Have you ever ended up saying yes instead of No and regretted it?  Or been angry at yourself for not able to say no? Of course, sometimes we have to say yes depending on the situation.

There are times when people do and say things that makes us angry.  Certain situations that happen unexpectedly, or that are out of our control can leave us feeling angry.  

In this blog, I am going to explore what anger is and how we can communicate it safely. 

​There are many reasons why we lose our voice or even become afraid of using our voices to let others know how we feel about situations or about your opinion on certain matters.   In this blog I am referring to your ability to talk about how you are feeling and to express these feelings. 

​Life sometimes seems cruel and unfair when it makes us go through heartache of losing someone we love. Their death may be due to old age, illness, an accident, suicide or murder. Each of these circumstances is going to generate different feelings of emotional turmoil inside us.

These days the percentages of people suffering from work-related stress is quite high.  Stress develops when you feel overwhelmed or feel unable to cope with the situation.  (for quick reading scroll down to the bottom of this blog to find out my 6 steps to help you manage stress)

​At times we choose to do something, plan to achieve a goal and we may be initially excited but when the time comes to put plan into action, sometimes we pull back. We delay taking actions and come up with very many reasons/excuses. We tell ourselves we will do it tomorrow, or there is another thing has come up which is urgent. We try to delay as much as we can.

​Confrontation is often seen in such negative light. Confrontation is strongly associated with shouting, screaming, fighting and aggression. It can also be seen as upsetting someone or making someone angry and therefore assumed as a negative interaction, when the intent of the confrontation was to simply put our point of view across.
 
To an extent this may be true, but let’s look at it a bit more closely.
 
Of course, confrontation can take place when there are opposing ideas where our ego can come in the way and we feel the need to defeat the other party.  This can get out of hand depending on the passion that both parties put into proving their points or in winning their arguments.  It may also show how strongly they believe in their views.
 
So, let’s look at the consequences of confrontation, that end with aggression:

• It damages self-esteem of the person who feels defeated
• Feelings of embarrassment and anger can surface and may make a person do or say something regrettable
• It can spoil relationships

 
Are these arguments worth having? Even if you win the argument, at what cost?
 
So, how can we deal with confrontation?

• Be open to different perspectives
• Accept that you don’t have to be right or win the argument/point of view
• Listen and try to understand what the other person is trying to say
• Don’t listen to respond… listen to understand
• Stay calm and take turns in expressing your views
• Remember, it is not about winning all the time, it is about being open minded to different views and perceptions
• Keep your ego in check and think about why you are so passionate about your views
• Be rational and logical
• Bear in mind that you don’t have to agree, but you can accept that it is their view and they are entitled to it
• It is not a competition

 
Has this made sense? Do you feel that it has resonated with you in any way?
 
If you wish to learn more about how to manage the confrontational part of you or if you are afraid of confronting someone, click on contact page to make that initial appointment.

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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Stress is the pressure and strain you feel when you have too much going on due to some of the life changing events. You may feel that you are unable to cope and manage your day-to-day life obligations.
 
There are many reasons why we feel stressed, which will be discussed briefly here below.
 
Stress can be positive and negative. Positive stresses are good as it motivates us to achieve our goals and excite us.  Examples of Positive stresses include:

• Exercising
• Being or falling in love
• Planning a wedding or celebrations
• Planning a holiday
• Giving birth
• Completing a project

 
Negative stresses can be strenuous and if not managed properly can be detrimental to an individual. 
 
Examples of negative stresses are:

• Losing loved ones through death
• Divorce or relationship issues
• Losing a job
• Financial struggles
• High demands of work, personal and social life
• Illness

If we do not learn to cope with or manage our stresses, it can have an adverse effect on our physical and emotional health.
When your body and mind cannot cope with the pressures, it starts manifesting in to physical illnesses and/or emotional health issues, such as the following:
 
Physical Health would suffer in the form of

• Chronic pains or headaches

• Lack of energy and/or motivation
• Insomnia or disturbed sleeping patterns
• Anxiety or Panic Attacks

 
Emotional health can be affected by

• Being scared and fearing the outcomes
• Being overly sensitive and overly emotional
• Unable to stop thinking negative thoughts
• Feeling low and depressed

 
If you resonated with the above, and wanted to learn how to manage your stress contact me via my contact page.
 
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

Counselling – A Therapist’s Perspective
 
A lot has been written about counselling for and from a client’s perspective. Today, I wanted to explore counselling from a therapist’s perspective.
 
It is a great journey for one to become a therapist. Most counsellors who choose to become a therapist have more than likely been through a tough or traumatic time in their lives.  They have gone through their own journey and have found a way to work through their own difficulties and issues in order to gain insight and understanding about themselves and their difficulties. They have more than likely got through by help and guidance from their friends and family and or other resources like having their own therapy.
 
It takes a lot of courage and determination to become a therapist.  They go through tough training, a lot of to undergo training, and put themselves out there to gain theoretical and practical experiences to understand and what is their mission on their chosen path. They have their own therapy whilst on training, they have supervision, and they continue to work through their own difficulties in order to become very knowledgeable and experienced. Most therapists feel it is a privilege to be in this position.
 
You might wonder, what might a therapist think when they agree to see a new client. The therapists’ might wonder about what the client may bring in the room, what might have attracted them to contact them in particular.
 
The therapist tries to empathise with their client in order to understand their client’s inner and outer world.  The therapist aims to support and protect their client by staying neutral. They want to help their client to understand him or herself better and help them to find the answers from within.  They intend to empower and encourage their clients without imposing their views or expectations.
  
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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   3 Tips On How To Bring Peace Into Your Life
 
In this day and age, peoples’ lives seem to be so stressful. People have stresses around their family, children, and social life.  There are stresses around work too.
 
It feels like there is so much expected of us and there is always so much to do. Things are constantly being added and we have to be like a superhuman to cope and manage it, which sounds really impossible.
 
Trying to carry on and act like a superhuman causes a lot of emotional, physical and mental health issues. The impact could be very damaging.
 
How can we bring peace in our lives? Here are 3 Tips:

1. Reflect: Take a look at your life and all the pressure you are putting yourself under and         see if you can re-evaluate and prioritise all the stress and pressure of your life
2.  Let go: Think about all the pressures and stress is doing to you on a physical,                         emotional    and mental level! Look closely and see what you can let go to reduce the            stress and pressure. 
3.  Be Less Competitive: Do we have to run the race like everyone? Do we have to                      compete with everyone? Is your health not more important than keeping up                             appearances? 

On a regular basis, take time out to rejuvenate and energise yourself.  Most importantly, do something for yourself, even if it is as simple as doing nothing for a while.

I would love to hear if you have tried these and how it worked out for you. Feel free to comment and let me know about your experiences.

 am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
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LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
 

Do you feel low or depressed? Have you been diagnosed suffering from Depression?
 
Consider these questions:
 
Do you feel you struggle coping with your day-to-day life?
 
Do you feel you find it very difficult to get out of bed in the morning?
 
Do you feel you lack motivation and energy to do anything?
 
Do you feel you find it too much to talk or Socialise with anyone?
 
Do you feel helpless and hopeless?
 
Do you have difficulties around sleep?
 
Do you feel your appetite has changed?
 
Do you have thoughts of not being here or harming yourself?
 
Do you feel you are not able to concentrate on a task?
 
The above situations can be some of the symptoms of depression.
 
Do you feel you suffer from any or some of them? Then please contact your GP in the first instance.  Next, it also helps to have some way to manage how you feel, so I have listed below 5 ways you can start managing depression TODAY!
 
5 Tips for Managing Depression
 
Talk to someone: If you feel you are not coping and feeling scared or anxious, speak to someone like a friend or a family member. If you do not feel comfortable talking to them then call your GP and seek their advice. If it is out of hours for GP surgeries then you can call Samaritans www.samaritans.org or look online for other agencies in your area..  You can also seek help and finding someone to talk to by accessing counseling.  Find a list of counsellors by searching ‘Counsellors in your area’ on an Internet search or by asking your GP to refer you to one.
 
Exercise and Diet: You can start making changes in your diet.  Adding some healthy options to your diet, by trying to eat regular and healthy meals will help. You can start doing some exercise by going to the gym, joining exercise classes or going for a jog or walk. Make exercise part of your daily routine. Also, try and have a sleep routine so that you get enough rest and re energize yourself.
 
Set Goals:  Set yourself 3 goals a day and try to achieve it. This will give you a routine and hopefully motivate you to do things during the day.  Think about taking up a hobby, these activities will help you to keep your brain active.
 
Music, Meditation and Mindfulness: Listen to music to calm you down and to relax.  Learn to meditate or sign up for a Mindfulness course.  These will help to calm your mind and to generate calming thoughts to help you find peace.
 
Challenge your negative thoughts: Try and challenge your negative thoughts and see if you can turn them into rational or positive ones. These will help you to motivate you take charge of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
 
I recommend trying at least one of these activities if you feel you have symptoms of depression.  If you feel you would like some more help around dealing with your feelings, don’t hesitate to contact me via my contact page or any of my social media profiles below.
 
Have a great day!

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
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​

What is counselling?
 
There is a lot of misconception and confusion around what counseling is. 
 
Here are a few common misconceptions I hear often:
 
-  Counselling is a place where the client talks and therapist listens.
 
- Counselling is a place where you can get advise what to do in regards to your present situation
 
- Counselling is a place where therapist would tell you what to do or what decision to make
 
- Counselling is a place where you tell your therapist about your problems and they would solve your problems and make you feel better instantly.
 
Although there may be some truth in the statements and thoughts above, there is also a lot more to counseling as outlined below:
 
Counselling is a place where you can speak about your most difficult thoughts, feelings and circumstances in utmost confidence in a safe place.
 
Counselling is a place where the therapist is there to listen and understand you without judgment and prejudice.
 
Counselling is a place where your wellbeing and safety is most important to your therapist
 
Counselling is a place where thoughts and feelings are explored to understand you and your situation better then to work together to find the options and possible solutions to your dilemma or presenting problems.
 
Counselling is a place where therapist will not tell you what to do but will help you to know yourself better which will help you to find the answers which are within you and help you to make the right decision for your circumstances
 
Counselling is a place where you are able to offload and express your deepest feelings, cry and be emotional without being judged.  (Be aware that counseling cannot guarantee that you will feel better instantly, give it time)
 
Counselling is a process and it takes time to work through things.  The more a client is willing to put work or effort in, the more likely they will benefit from their counselling sessions..
 
Counselling is a place where the therapist comes on a journey with their client to support and possibly to get the client through their difficult situation.
 
I hope this has given you a deeper insight into what counselling is.  If you have any questions or comments feel free to contact me.
 
 I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
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​

There are people who always try to please others. They may do this to be liked by others, or not to be judged or criticised.  People who try to please others may be lacking in self-esteem and confidence. They may feel they have little or no self worth.

People who try to please others say they are just being polite and respectful and they do not want to create drama by disagreeing with someone or spoil relationships.  When we disagree with someone it does not mean we are creating dramas or spoiling relationships.
 
It is next to impossible to please everyone all the time. The truth is you CAN NOT please everyone and anyone no matter what you do.
 
Following are at least 3 harmful consequences of trying to please everyone:
 
1) It would physically, emotionally and mentally drain you. You will lose peace of mind. Once you start doing things just to please someone you will have to continue doing it to maintain the impression you have created of yourself and in the fear of upsetting them. 

2) It would make you lose your confidence and self-esteem even more as you will lose the ability to speak up and stand up for yourself and in what you believe. It will take away the ability to express yourself.  This will create resentment and anger within you towards yourself and them. 
 
3) It would make you feel anxious, stressed and even feel low or depressed. When you suppress your feelings, your views and your beliefs it would either come out in burst of anger or it would internalise and make you feel low or in some cases even depressed.  

So, if you do not want to harm yourself and lose peace of your mind, think why are you trying to please someone and is it worth it?
 
I write about various topics similar to this blog on my blog page www.clearskytherapy.co.uk/blogs


If you feel this blog has spoke to you and you feel you would like some more help, please contact me and get in touch.

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on:

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy

Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
​
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

Signs You Need Help With Counselling
 
Getting some help and talking to a qualified Counsellor or Psychotherapist is a great start to make sense of what might be going on for you and how to get through it.
 
But, how do you know when you might need help with counselling?
 
I have highlighted some signs below that are common place when someone begins to need help with counseling:
 

• When you are feeling anxious, stressed over a long period of time and do not how to deal with it.

 

• When you feel angry, upset and emotional too quickly but do not understand why.

 

• When you feel low and depressed. You lack energy and motivation and do not know how to go forward.

 

• You have to make a life changing decision and not sure what is the right decision or how to go about it?

 

• When everything might be going okay in your life but you are not able to feel joy or happiness.

 

• When you feel “what is the point”?

 

• When you feel lonely and isolated but also do not feel like socializing or pushing people away.

 

• When you feel you have started to bottle up things, you do not know who to talk to for fear of being judged or criticised.

 

• When nothing makes sense but you feel you have to carry on.

 

•  When you are taking care of others but feel guilty about looking after yourself

 

•  When you start having difficulties in a relationship perhaps due to lack of connection, betrayal or due to the loss of a partner.

 

•  When a loved one passes due to ill health, old age or suicide and you do not know how to cope and move forward.

 

•  When you feel confused, unclear and have a lack direction in your life.

 

•  When your health issues starts affecting your emotional and mental health and wellbeing.

      
 Some of these signs might be recognisable in yourself as you read through them.   If this is the case please think carefully about taking care of yourself and finding someone to talk to.  
 
If you do choose counselling as an option to start talking about how you feel I have written articles about: why counselling can help, how to choose a therapist and what to expect from first counselling session.  You may find these helpful to get more of a sense of what to expect before you go ahead and find a therapist.

My articles can all be found in my blog here www.clearskytherapy.co.uk/blogs

If you feel this blog has spoke to you and you feel you would like some more help, please contact me and get in touch.

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

​It is very common for some people to feel that they are not able to talk about what is going on for them and how they are feeling.  People can feel that if they talked about what is happening to them with their friends and family, work colleagues and managers, they could start to be judged. The common worry is “What will they think of me?”.
 
Why we bottle things up
 
The fear of being seen as weak or having something wrong can seem very real to many people. There may be expectations to “Keep Quiet and Carry On” and as the old saying goes “Stiff upper lip”.  You may be aware of these phrases yourself.
 
Holding many people back is the feeling of shame around not being able to cope or manage by themselves and feel that if they spoke about how they felt they will be looked down upon.
 
Bottling things up however, could cause a lot of insecurities, anxieties and stress. If you were not able to manage these feelings and it carried on for a while, it could lead to you feeling low and depressed. 
 
Why does talking about things help?
 
It doesn’t need to be as we have talked about above. It is very important to talk about your thoughts and feelings so that you can get help in understanding what is going on.  It is also important to understand why you feel the way you do.  You may be then able to see things from a different perspective.
 
It is okay to talk to someone about how you feel, to at least try and start to make sense of what is happening.  The results of these conversations can produce some solutions to your problems and difficult situation that are arising for you.
 
When you speak about how you feel, you may realise you are not the only one who might be feeling this way.  Hearing other people’s experiences first hand helps, as you start to find out what helped and worked for them, meaning you could try these suggestions.
 
When talking to friends and family doesn’t feel like a good option
 
If you feel it would not be okay to speak to your friends or family about how you feel you can think about the option of speaking to a professional  Counsellor or Psychotherapist.  
 
The benefits of doing this is that they will listen and try to understand you and your situation in a completely confidential space without judgment, helping you to understand why you feel the way you do.  
This can help you to look at things from a different perspective and together find some coping mechanisms. The practitioner will also help you to find your own solutions and help you understand yourself better.  Its not always easy to take this step, but it could mean the difference of getting negative feelings and anxieties off your chest, ready to face whatever is in front of you. 
 
The next time you feel like bottling things up, think about this blog and try to take action to talk about your feelings.  
 
If you feel this blog has spoke to you and you feel you would like some more help, please click on my contact button and get in touch.
​
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
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LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
 

​Mother’s day!
 
Mother’s day is approaching fast. It is a special day to let mothers know how much you appreciate and love her.  Although you should not need to wait until Mother’s Day to tell her how you feel, it is a nice day to make a fuss and/or spoil her, simply by acknowledging mum and letting her know how special she is.
 
It is quite a privilege as a mother to get acknowledged, appreciated and shown love.  As a child you can offer all of that to your mother and also share the feelings of happiness and love.
 
We must never forget that Mothers Day can also be a difficult time for some.   You may resonate with some of the circumstances below:
 
There are mothers who may have lost their own mother due to various reasons like death or may have lost contact due to difficult relationships.   As they enjoy their children’s affections on this day there can be a lot of feelings of loss, regret or sadness also for them,
 
Sadness may be felt at this time for woman who have been unable to have children or who may have lost their child in childbirth or miscarriage.   Mothers Day may also bring sadness and feelings of loss to woman in these circumstances.
 
It can be a difficult time for children (young and old) who may have lost their mum through death or other various situations. 
 
For anyone feeling these feeling around Mothers Day, the day can be made manageable by doing something special for someone else and building new relationships.  Although this may never replace what you feel you have lost, it can keep you focussed and make the day bearable and even may be fun.
 
However the day goes for you, I hope it is a special day or you at least manage to get through the day ok.  
 
If you feel you are going to struggle, please find someone to reach out to, a trusted friend, colleague or professional.
 
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/