These days the percentages of people suffering from work-related stress is quite high.  Stress develops when you feel overwhelmed or feel unable to cope with the situation.  (for quick reading scroll down to the bottom of this blog to find out my 6 steps to help you manage stress)

At times we choose to do something, plan to achieve a goal and we may be initially excited but when the time comes to put plan into action, sometimes we pull back. We delay taking actions and come up with very many reasons/excuses. We tell ourselves we will do it tomorrow, or there is another thing has come up which is urgent. We try to delay as much as we can.
 
Have you been there before? I have and I have and still do work with clients who bring this issue in the room.  We explore together what stops them in completing the task.
 
The delaying process is called procrastination. But why do we procrastinate and can we overcome procrastination?
 
Here below are 12 possible reasons why we procrastinate:
 

1. We fear we don’t know how to successfully complete the task
2. We lack confidence
3. We are “asked” or “made” to complete the task
4. We have lost interest but the task needs to be completed
5. It is a tedious, boring, hard and/or time consuming task
6. We seek control.  We want to do it our way at our pace
7. It might be a huge task
8. We might be a perfectionist
9. We might worry about failing
10. We might lack self-control and discipline
11. We may lack organisational skills
12.  We underestimate the commitment and time it require

 
So, how to overcome procrastination? Here are some steps to help you
 

1. Be kind to yourself when you procrastinate. Try and understand why are you procrastinating.
2. Break-down your task into small chunks.
3. Schedule a deadline to finish the task
4. Commit yourself to perform at least a small chunk of the task everyday
5. Tell yourself ….the sooner you finish, sooner you will be free from this task
6. Think of a reward/incentive for completing the task
7. Get help.  If you are stuck always ask for help
8. Stop catastrophising – It seems huge and hard task when we are forced to do something
9. Just do it.  Plan out for each day to complete at least a small part of the task

​If you resonate with procrastination and want to learn how to overcome, contact me via my contact page. 

Mental Health, simply put is one’s Psychological, Emotional and Social Well-being.  How we think, feel and behave can impact on our mental health.
 
It is important to be aware and to take care of our mental health at all stages of our lives.
 
Triggers of Mental Health Issues:
 

• Our ability to handle stress of our daily live
• Being in a highly pressurised job
• Financial pressures
• Stressful relationships
• Issues around physical health
• Going through life changing situations
• Going through trauma or abuse
• History of mental health issues in the family
• Too much on the plate and unable to cope
• Work related stress like bullying and harassment…… and many more

 
All of the above can have a lasting negative impact on our mental health. 
 
Learning to recognise and deal with triggers can minimize the impact they can have on our mental health.  
 
How can you help yourself and create good mental health?
 

• Keep an eye on your stress levels
• Recognise your capacity to cope with what you have on your plate
• Learn to say No
• Speak out
• Get Professional help like from Doctor or Counsellor
• Exercise
• Try and get good night sleep
• Healthy eating
• Use Mindfulness and Meditation techniques
• Try to remain positive

 
A lot of companies these days offer well-being support, check with your workplace and see what there is on offer to you as an employee.  
 
It is important to remember that if you ignore your mental health wellbeing it could lead to some physical or emotional health issues such as:
- Anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Depression
- Aches and Pains
- Heart and Blood pressure problems and more
 
Your health is YOUR responsibility, however there is plenty of help available out there.   There is no shame or weakness shown by reaching out to get some help today.  
 
If you would like to contact me to find out what help is available, please use my contact page to get in touch. 


​I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

​Confrontation is often seen in such negative light. Confrontation is strongly associated with shouting, screaming, fighting and aggression. It can also be seen as upsetting someone or making someone angry and therefore assumed as a negative interaction, when the intent of the confrontation was to simply put our point of view across.
 
To an extent this may be true, but let’s look at it a bit more closely.
 
Of course, confrontation can take place when there are opposing ideas where our ego can come in the way and we feel the need to defeat the other party.  This can get out of hand depending on the passion that both parties put into proving their points or in winning their arguments.  It may also show how strongly they believe in their views.
 
So, let’s look at the consequences of confrontation, that end with aggression:

• It damages self-esteem of the person who feels defeated
• Feelings of embarrassment and anger can surface and may make a person do or say something regrettable
• It can spoil relationships

 
Are these arguments worth having? Even if you win the argument, at what cost?
 
So, how can we deal with confrontation?

• Be open to different perspectives
• Accept that you don’t have to be right or win the argument/point of view
• Listen and try to understand what the other person is trying to say
• Don’t listen to respond… listen to understand
• Stay calm and take turns in expressing your views
• Remember, it is not about winning all the time, it is about being open minded to different views and perceptions
• Keep your ego in check and think about why you are so passionate about your views
• Be rational and logical
• Bear in mind that you don’t have to agree, but you can accept that it is their view and they are entitled to it
• It is not a competition

 
Has this made sense? Do you feel that it has resonated with you in any way?
 
If you wish to learn more about how to manage the confrontational part of you or if you are afraid of confronting someone, click on contact page to make that initial appointment.

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
 

Stress is the pressure and strain you feel when you have too much going on due to some of the life changing events. You may feel that you are unable to cope and manage your day-to-day life obligations.
 
There are many reasons why we feel stressed, which will be discussed briefly here below.
 
Stress can be positive and negative. Positive stresses are good as it motivates us to achieve our goals and excite us.  Examples of Positive stresses include:

• Exercising
• Being or falling in love
• Planning a wedding or celebrations
• Planning a holiday
• Giving birth
• Completing a project

 
Negative stresses can be strenuous and if not managed properly can be detrimental to an individual. 
 
Examples of negative stresses are:

• Losing loved ones through death
• Divorce or relationship issues
• Losing a job
• Financial struggles
• High demands of work, personal and social life
• Illness

If we do not learn to cope with or manage our stresses, it can have an adverse effect on our physical and emotional health.
When your body and mind cannot cope with the pressures, it starts manifesting in to physical illnesses and/or emotional health issues, such as the following:
 
Physical Health would suffer in the form of

• Chronic pains or headaches

• Lack of energy and/or motivation
• Insomnia or disturbed sleeping patterns
• Anxiety or Panic Attacks

 
Emotional health can be affected by

• Being scared and fearing the outcomes
• Being overly sensitive and overly emotional
• Unable to stop thinking negative thoughts
• Feeling low and depressed

 
If you resonated with the above, and wanted to learn how to manage your stress contact me via my contact page.
 
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

Counselling – A Therapist’s Perspective
 
A lot has been written about counselling for and from a client’s perspective. Today, I wanted to explore counselling from a therapist’s perspective.
 
It is a great journey for one to become a therapist. Most counsellors who choose to become a therapist have more than likely been through a tough or traumatic time in their lives.  They have gone through their own journey and have found a way to work through their own difficulties and issues in order to gain insight and understanding about themselves and their difficulties. They have more than likely got through by help and guidance from their friends and family and or other resources like having their own therapy.
 
It takes a lot of courage and determination to become a therapist.  They go through tough training, a lot of to undergo training, and put themselves out there to gain theoretical and practical experiences to understand and what is their mission on their chosen path. They have their own therapy whilst on training, they have supervision, and they continue to work through their own difficulties in order to become very knowledgeable and experienced. Most therapists feel it is a privilege to be in this position.
 
You might wonder, what might a therapist think when they agree to see a new client. The therapists’ might wonder about what the client may bring in the room, what might have attracted them to contact them in particular.
 
The therapist tries to empathise with their client in order to understand their client’s inner and outer world.  The therapist aims to support and protect their client by staying neutral. They want to help their client to understand him or herself better and help them to find the answers from within.  They intend to empower and encourage their clients without imposing their views or expectations.
  
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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   3 Tips On How To Bring Peace Into Your Life
 
In this day and age, peoples’ lives seem to be so stressful. People have stresses around their family, children, and social life.  There are stresses around work too.
 
It feels like there is so much expected of us and there is always so much to do. Things are constantly being added and we have to be like a superhuman to cope and manage it, which sounds really impossible.
 
Trying to carry on and act like a superhuman causes a lot of emotional, physical and mental health issues. The impact could be very damaging.
 
How can we bring peace in our lives? Here are 3 Tips:

1. Reflect: Take a look at your life and all the pressure you are putting yourself under and         see if you can re-evaluate and prioritise all the stress and pressure of your life
2.  Let go: Think about all the pressures and stress is doing to you on a physical,                         emotional    and mental level! Look closely and see what you can let go to reduce the            stress and pressure. 
3.  Be Less Competitive: Do we have to run the race like everyone? Do we have to                      compete with everyone? Is your health not more important than keeping up                             appearances? 

On a regular basis, take time out to rejuvenate and energise yourself.  Most importantly, do something for yourself, even if it is as simple as doing nothing for a while.

I would love to hear if you have tried these and how it worked out for you. Feel free to comment and let me know about your experiences.

 am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
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Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
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LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
 

Do you feel low or depressed? Have you been diagnosed suffering from Depression?
 
Consider these questions:
 
Do you feel you struggle coping with your day-to-day life?
 
Do you feel you find it very difficult to get out of bed in the morning?
 
Do you feel you lack motivation and energy to do anything?
 
Do you feel you find it too much to talk or Socialise with anyone?
 
Do you feel helpless and hopeless?
 
Do you have difficulties around sleep?
 
Do you feel your appetite has changed?
 
Do you have thoughts of not being here or harming yourself?
 
Do you feel you are not able to concentrate on a task?
 
The above situations can be some of the symptoms of depression.
 
Do you feel you suffer from any or some of them? Then please contact your GP in the first instance.  Next, it also helps to have some way to manage how you feel, so I have listed below 5 ways you can start managing depression TODAY!
 
5 Tips for Managing Depression
 
Talk to someone: If you feel you are not coping and feeling scared or anxious, speak to someone like a friend or a family member. If you do not feel comfortable talking to them then call your GP and seek their advice. If it is out of hours for GP surgeries then you can call Samaritans www.samaritans.org or look online for other agencies in your area..  You can also seek help and finding someone to talk to by accessing counseling.  Find a list of counsellors by searching ‘Counsellors in your area’ on an Internet search or by asking your GP to refer you to one.
 
Exercise and Diet: You can start making changes in your diet.  Adding some healthy options to your diet, by trying to eat regular and healthy meals will help. You can start doing some exercise by going to the gym, joining exercise classes or going for a jog or walk. Make exercise part of your daily routine. Also, try and have a sleep routine so that you get enough rest and re energize yourself.
 
Set Goals:  Set yourself 3 goals a day and try to achieve it. This will give you a routine and hopefully motivate you to do things during the day.  Think about taking up a hobby, these activities will help you to keep your brain active.
 
Music, Meditation and Mindfulness: Listen to music to calm you down and to relax.  Learn to meditate or sign up for a Mindfulness course.  These will help to calm your mind and to generate calming thoughts to help you find peace.
 
Challenge your negative thoughts: Try and challenge your negative thoughts and see if you can turn them into rational or positive ones. These will help you to motivate you take charge of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
 
I recommend trying at least one of these activities if you feel you have symptoms of depression.  If you feel you would like some more help around dealing with your feelings, don’t hesitate to contact me via my contact page or any of my social media profiles below.
 
Have a great day!

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
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​

What is counselling?
 
There is a lot of misconception and confusion around what counseling is. 
 
Here are a few common misconceptions I hear often:
 
-  Counselling is a place where the client talks and therapist listens.
 
- Counselling is a place where you can get advise what to do in regards to your present situation
 
- Counselling is a place where therapist would tell you what to do or what decision to make
 
- Counselling is a place where you tell your therapist about your problems and they would solve your problems and make you feel better instantly.
 
Although there may be some truth in the statements and thoughts above, there is also a lot more to counseling as outlined below:
 
Counselling is a place where you can speak about your most difficult thoughts, feelings and circumstances in utmost confidence in a safe place.
 
Counselling is a place where the therapist is there to listen and understand you without judgment and prejudice.
 
Counselling is a place where your wellbeing and safety is most important to your therapist
 
Counselling is a place where thoughts and feelings are explored to understand you and your situation better then to work together to find the options and possible solutions to your dilemma or presenting problems.
 
Counselling is a place where therapist will not tell you what to do but will help you to know yourself better which will help you to find the answers which are within you and help you to make the right decision for your circumstances
 
Counselling is a place where you are able to offload and express your deepest feelings, cry and be emotional without being judged.  (Be aware that counseling cannot guarantee that you will feel better instantly, give it time)
 
Counselling is a process and it takes time to work through things.  The more a client is willing to put work or effort in, the more likely they will benefit from their counselling sessions..
 
Counselling is a place where the therapist comes on a journey with their client to support and possibly to get the client through their difficult situation.
 
I hope this has given you a deeper insight into what counselling is.  If you have any questions or comments feel free to contact me.
 
 I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
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LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
​

There are people who always try to please others. They may do this to be liked by others, or not to be judged or criticised.  People who try to please others may be lacking in self-esteem and confidence. They may feel they have little or no self worth.

People who try to please others say they are just being polite and respectful and they do not want to create drama by disagreeing with someone or spoil relationships.  When we disagree with someone it does not mean we are creating dramas or spoiling relationships.
 
It is next to impossible to please everyone all the time. The truth is you CAN NOT please everyone and anyone no matter what you do.
 
Following are at least 3 harmful consequences of trying to please everyone:
 
1) It would physically, emotionally and mentally drain you. You will lose peace of mind. Once you start doing things just to please someone you will have to continue doing it to maintain the impression you have created of yourself and in the fear of upsetting them. 

2) It would make you lose your confidence and self-esteem even more as you will lose the ability to speak up and stand up for yourself and in what you believe. It will take away the ability to express yourself.  This will create resentment and anger within you towards yourself and them. 
 
3) It would make you feel anxious, stressed and even feel low or depressed. When you suppress your feelings, your views and your beliefs it would either come out in burst of anger or it would internalise and make you feel low or in some cases even depressed.  

So, if you do not want to harm yourself and lose peace of your mind, think why are you trying to please someone and is it worth it?
 
I write about various topics similar to this blog on my blog page www.clearskytherapy.co.uk/blogs


If you feel this blog has spoke to you and you feel you would like some more help, please contact me and get in touch.

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on:

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy

Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
​
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

Signs You Need Help With Counselling
 
Getting some help and talking to a qualified Counsellor or Psychotherapist is a great start to make sense of what might be going on for you and how to get through it.
 
But, how do you know when you might need help with counselling?
 
I have highlighted some signs below that are common place when someone begins to need help with counseling:
 

• When you are feeling anxious, stressed over a long period of time and do not how to deal with it.

 

• When you feel angry, upset and emotional too quickly but do not understand why.

 

• When you feel low and depressed. You lack energy and motivation and do not know how to go forward.

 

• You have to make a life changing decision and not sure what is the right decision or how to go about it?

 

• When everything might be going okay in your life but you are not able to feel joy or happiness.

 

• When you feel “what is the point”?

 

• When you feel lonely and isolated but also do not feel like socializing or pushing people away.

 

• When you feel you have started to bottle up things, you do not know who to talk to for fear of being judged or criticised.

 

• When nothing makes sense but you feel you have to carry on.

 

•  When you are taking care of others but feel guilty about looking after yourself

 

•  When you start having difficulties in a relationship perhaps due to lack of connection, betrayal or due to the loss of a partner.

 

•  When a loved one passes due to ill health, old age or suicide and you do not know how to cope and move forward.

 

•  When you feel confused, unclear and have a lack direction in your life.

 

•  When your health issues starts affecting your emotional and mental health and wellbeing.

      
 Some of these signs might be recognisable in yourself as you read through them.   If this is the case please think carefully about taking care of yourself and finding someone to talk to.  
 
If you do choose counselling as an option to start talking about how you feel I have written articles about: why counselling can help, how to choose a therapist and what to expect from first counselling session.  You may find these helpful to get more of a sense of what to expect before you go ahead and find a therapist.

My articles can all be found in my blog here www.clearskytherapy.co.uk/blogs

If you feel this blog has spoke to you and you feel you would like some more help, please contact me and get in touch.

I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/

​It is very common for some people to feel that they are not able to talk about what is going on for them and how they are feeling.  People can feel that if they talked about what is happening to them with their friends and family, work colleagues and managers, they could start to be judged. The common worry is “What will they think of me?”.
 
Why we bottle things up
 
The fear of being seen as weak or having something wrong can seem very real to many people. There may be expectations to “Keep Quiet and Carry On” and as the old saying goes “Stiff upper lip”.  You may be aware of these phrases yourself.
 
Holding many people back is the feeling of shame around not being able to cope or manage by themselves and feel that if they spoke about how they felt they will be looked down upon.
 
Bottling things up however, could cause a lot of insecurities, anxieties and stress. If you were not able to manage these feelings and it carried on for a while, it could lead to you feeling low and depressed. 
 
Why does talking about things help?
 
It doesn’t need to be as we have talked about above. It is very important to talk about your thoughts and feelings so that you can get help in understanding what is going on.  It is also important to understand why you feel the way you do.  You may be then able to see things from a different perspective.
 
It is okay to talk to someone about how you feel, to at least try and start to make sense of what is happening.  The results of these conversations can produce some solutions to your problems and difficult situation that are arising for you.
 
When you speak about how you feel, you may realise you are not the only one who might be feeling this way.  Hearing other people’s experiences first hand helps, as you start to find out what helped and worked for them, meaning you could try these suggestions.
 
When talking to friends and family doesn’t feel like a good option
 
If you feel it would not be okay to speak to your friends or family about how you feel you can think about the option of speaking to a professional  Counsellor or Psychotherapist.  
 
The benefits of doing this is that they will listen and try to understand you and your situation in a completely confidential space without judgment, helping you to understand why you feel the way you do.  
This can help you to look at things from a different perspective and together find some coping mechanisms. The practitioner will also help you to find your own solutions and help you understand yourself better.  Its not always easy to take this step, but it could mean the difference of getting negative feelings and anxieties off your chest, ready to face whatever is in front of you. 
 
The next time you feel like bottling things up, think about this blog and try to take action to talk about your feelings.  
 
If you feel this blog has spoke to you and you feel you would like some more help, please click on my contact button and get in touch.
​
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
 

​Mother’s day!
 
Mother’s day is approaching fast. It is a special day to let mothers know how much you appreciate and love her.  Although you should not need to wait until Mother’s Day to tell her how you feel, it is a nice day to make a fuss and/or spoil her, simply by acknowledging mum and letting her know how special she is.
 
It is quite a privilege as a mother to get acknowledged, appreciated and shown love.  As a child you can offer all of that to your mother and also share the feelings of happiness and love.
 
We must never forget that Mothers Day can also be a difficult time for some.   You may resonate with some of the circumstances below:
 
There are mothers who may have lost their own mother due to various reasons like death or may have lost contact due to difficult relationships.   As they enjoy their children’s affections on this day there can be a lot of feelings of loss, regret or sadness also for them,
 
Sadness may be felt at this time for woman who have been unable to have children or who may have lost their child in childbirth or miscarriage.   Mothers Day may also bring sadness and feelings of loss to woman in these circumstances.
 
It can be a difficult time for children (young and old) who may have lost their mum through death or other various situations. 
 
For anyone feeling these feeling around Mothers Day, the day can be made manageable by doing something special for someone else and building new relationships.  Although this may never replace what you feel you have lost, it can keep you focussed and make the day bearable and even may be fun.
 
However the day goes for you, I hope it is a special day or you at least manage to get through the day ok.  
 
If you feel you are going to struggle, please find someone to reach out to, a trusted friend, colleague or professional.
 
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
 

​Recognising that you need help and taking that first step to look for a therapist and book the initial session is a major step, never to be underestimated.

You may have already gone through the process of choosing a therapist that you feel might be the right one for you.

(If you have not chosen a therapist or not sure how to choose a right therapist for you, here is a link to my blog The Top 3 Things To Consider When Choosing A Therapist.  http://www.clearskytherapy.co.uk/blogs/the-top-3-things-to-consider-when-choosing-a-therapist)

Now, you must be wondering about what to expect from your first session.

Below I have listed 5 Things To Expect From Your First Counselling Session.

1 Expect to feel anxious: 
It is very natural to feel anxious, as you may not know what will happen in your first session.  You may even wonder what will be expected of you.   Anxiety may arise around finding the location and getting there on time; all of this is normal and can be part of your initial anxiety.  I would advise you try and relax if you can (look for some relaxation techniques or ask a trusted friend).   The therapist will be there to guide you.  In order to do this initially, they will ask for the information in order to assess your need and establish how they are going to help you.

2 Gauging Rapport:
This initial session is an important session to see:

• Whether you feel you will be able to connect or build a rapport with the therapist
• Whether you will be able to trust and open up to them.  
• Whether you find the therapist warm and engaging.  
• Whether the therapist will be able to listen to you and understand you?

You made the decision about choosing this therapist to start with and possibly have had a telephone conversation with them. Finally, meeting them in person can help you to decide whether you feel that this is the right therapist for you. 

 3 Check out the environment:
When you meet the therapist for the first time, check out the surrounds, inside and outside the therapy room.  Think about how it feels to be there.  Consider how you felt on your way to your session. Check out the room and see if it feels welcoming and calming to you.  Ask yourself:  Do I feel comfortable being here?  If you do, it will help you to talk to the therapist and get the most out of your session.

4 Assessment/Consultation:
This initial session is for the therapist to assess your needs and difficulties. It may involve talking about the framework; meaning they may explain how they work and what is expected of you. Though, do not forget the sessions are your space and time for you to talk about what you want/need to. You may be asked to fill out a form and perhaps sign an agreement.   You will be given an explanation about confidentiality and the cancellation policy.
 
This session may be used to talk about your background, your past experiences and you may be asked what it is that you wish to get out of these sessions.
 
You will also have an opportunity to ask any questions you may have.
 
5 You are in charge:    
From the moment you recognised that you are not able to cope and/ or manage your present situation; when you started to feel that you would benefit from seeking help, to your first initial consultation, remember YOU are in charge of this decision.  
 
Whether you wish to express in your first or future sessions that this is not the right time for you or the right therapist for you, you will not be forced to make a decision there and then or to book further sessions.  Remember you can agree to continue OR to take time to think and then get back to them.
           
Therapy is about exploring your thoughts and feelings around what is happening to you.  It is always a two-way process. A therapist is there to guide you, empower you and support you.  It is up to you as to how much you are able to be open and what you want to talk about.  But what I will say is the more you do the more you will benefit from it.
 
Remember, therapists do not have a magic wand to take away your troubles, but they will be there to support you through your journey and see you through your difficult times.
 
If you feel this has helped you, please feel free to comment.  Click the Contact tab on my site if you think you would like to chat to me about how I can help you. 
 
I am also active on Social Media; you can follow my posts, get in touch and follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy,
Twitter https://twitter.com/counsellorHA1
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kkumar3/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/kajal-kumar-pgdip-mbacp-accred-3805b942/
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Sometimes life may seem overwhelming, confusing, and challenging.
It can leave you wondering: Why me? Why now?
It may feel like a lot might be going on in different areas of your life at the same time, or a tragedy may have struck, or a traumatic incident could have taken place.
 
These could bring up a lot of emotions like shock, anger, and sadness. You may feel that you do not know how to cope with it all, or whom you can turn to for help.
 
You may have supportive family, friends, and colleagues. A lot of work places even run a wellbeing scheme, which you may be able to take advantage of.
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However, for some of us, it does not help to talk to friends and family because feeling embarrassed or ashamed about not being “strong” enough, or capable of handling the situation. Sometimes we may feel that no one listens to or can understand us.
 
Here are 7 reasons why counselling can help:

1. They are independent, trained, and qualified professionals.
2. They are there to help you by being neutral and non-judgmental.
3. They are there to listen to you, to understand you and to provide you a confidential and safe space to talk about issues that have been bothering you.
4. They can help you to find clarity, and see things from a different perspective.
5. They can help you to find coping strategies to deal with your situation.
6. They would help you to know and understand yourself better.
7. They would help you to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.

 
There can be a lot of stigma around counselling. Some people feel they have to be “crazy”, weak or have something wrong with them in order to seek counselling. However, talking to a counsellor does not mean you are going crazy or you lack strength.
 
In fact, it takes a MASSIVE courage to seek out help. If reading this has helped you to recognise that you need help, then do not wait. Here’s a link to my previous blog about The Top 3 Things to consider when choosing a therapist.
 
http://www.clearskytherapy.co.uk/articles/the-top-3-things-to-consider-when-choosing-a-therapist
 
If you feel I can help you, please be in touch by sending a message via my contact page. 
 

It is not always easy to seek help or to know when to get help. If you are considering getting help from a counsellor/psychotherapist, here are the 3 top factors to consider. 
1) Qualifications, experience, and their membership to a professional body:
 
These days there is an overwhelming choice of therapists and modalities to choose from. This can make the task harder.
 
Check out their qualifications to assure yourself that they have done the necessary work of learning and understanding how to help their clients. See how many years of experience that they have, what areas they work with, and if they work with the specific issues that you are looking to get help with.
 
Each qualified therapist is expected to be a member of a professional body. They are also expected to adhere to that body’s ethical framework.  Some recognized professional bodies include the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) and the UKCP (United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy).
 
2) Impression
 
What impression does a therapist’s profile have on you? It is important to connect with the right therapist.
 
Have a read of their profiles on a counselling directory and from their professional bodies. A lot tend to post their photographs, look at them and see if you feel that you can speak to them, talk to them, and connect with them. Go with your initial/gut instinct.  If you feel positive about the therapist after reading their profile, what they offer, and if they work with your presenting issues, contact them for an initial consultation.
 
Of course, meeting them in person can help to make your final decision on whether to continue or not.
 
3) Practical and convenience:
 
Check out their location: is it convenient and to get to via car or public transport? Are there parking facilities?  What do they offer? What is the length of their sessions? What are their fees?
 
It is sometime hard to recognise and accept we need help. Once you accept go and get the help. It is good to talk and get a different perspective and support. Help is at hand. Feel free to message me if you feel I may be able to help you. 

​I would love to hear how you get on, feel free to contact me on Twitter @counsellorHA1 and Facebook www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy

Beat The January Blues With These 5 Tips

January is almost coming to an end. It may have brought mixed emotions and feelings.
 
A lot of people find this month difficult, depressing, and mundane.  Winter months are dark and grey. It is a month of getting back into routines and juggling the work-life balance once again.
 
If you share this experience of coming through winter with feelings of stress and disappointment, do not worry it is normal. However you can take some action to give yourself the care you need.  Read my 5 tips below and try out at least one in the coming month.

Here are five tips to take care yourself, and to beat the residue of January Blues.
 
1.   Socialise: Meet up with your friends and family for a coffee or a night out. Go to social events. Network and try to meet new               people. Find out about events for your hobbies, and meet with groups who share your interests.

2.    Exercise: Go for walks, exercise, find physical activities that don’t feel like a chore, eat healthily, and drink plenty of water. You         will start feeling better emotionally, physically and mentally.

3.   Plan something to look forward to: Plan your next holiday or mini-break. Plan to visit friends and/or family. Book                             tickets to the theatre, or a football match. Having something to get excited about will keep your spirits up.
        
4.    Meditate: Meditate every day for 20 minutes. Start with 2 minutes and increase up to 20 minutes. Join Yoga classes and                    practice every day. This will clear your mind and help you to feel less overwhelmed.

5.     Relax: Learn to set time aside just to relax. Spend some quality time with  yourself and with your family members.
 
I would love to hear how you get on, feel free to contact me on Twitter @counsellorHA1 and Facebook www.facebook.com/ClearSkyTherapy

​​​Those young adults who live away from home have now returned to university.

Having them back at home over the Christmas break could have been exciting, especially around the festive season. All that may be over now, but the new year has begun and with that so has their new term.

Here are 5 R’s to consider through this transitional period.

Routine: Get back into the routine of work-life balance, you may find that it helps to keep yourself busy. Focus on the other children you may have at home, and spend quality time with them to rebuild/strengthen those relationships.

Reassure: Reassure yourself that they are doing fine and getting on with their independent life. Reassure yourself that this is a big transition for you, that both of you will get through.  Missing them can be upsetting, but very natural. If you feel that you are not able to cope with this transition, seek help. Talking to a professional can help you with your personal difficulties in this situation.

Remember: They are trying to be independent: finding themselves, and coping with university life. They know where you are, and how to contact you if they should need your help. Being there for them from afar is still reassuring for them.

Rekindle: Rekindle your relationship with your partner. Taking care of children can be tough, and the relationship between partners can be somewhat affected. Taking time out for each other will strengthen your relationship, and give you a support system if you are struggling with this.
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Realise: You have a life to live beyond your responsibilities. Give yourself permission to enjoy life and do the things that make you happy.  As your child is trying to find themself, you too could use this time to rediscover yourself.

​The second term of university is about to begin, and parents of these young adults may start to have some mixed feelings about their children going back to university and leaving home yet again. For a lot of parents in this position, this could be a difficult time. 

Here are 5 tips that can provide a practical way of dealing with this transition:

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1. Acceptance: You have dealt with the hardest separation from them when they left in the summer for the first time.  Accept that it is the best for both of you. Your children leaving the nest for a while will give them good experience of what life is about when they come out of their comfort zone. Accept it is important and necessary for them.
2. Acknowledge: Acknowledge that they have survived the first, and the hardest term. A lot of them have gotten used to, and have overcome the idea of living away from home. A lot of them have managed to find their feet, but a lot are still trying to adjust to the new environment,  and in either case, they have survived. Acknowledge that they are now growing up and are learning to be independent.
3. Step back: They may need some space and a chance to manage their affairs without a lot of pressure or input from their parents. They are starting to adjust to the new environment and culture, and being away from home. If you have been through this experience yourself, you may remember how this feels and the benefits of it. Let them gain this vital experience on their own.
4. Be Patient: Remember that they have a lot to adapt to, a) moving away from home, b) leave the comfort of home and being looked after c) a new environment d) trying to fit in and make new friends e) an education culture shock. They may have been excited in the beginning, and some may start to feel slightly homesick.  If you remain patient, calm, and relaxed, they will feels as though they can trust you if they need help and guidance. They will be more likely to talk to you about what is going on, when they are upset, confused, or are having any difficulties.
5. Support them: They need your continuous support and guidance. They need to know that you are there for them when they need you. Putting a lot of pressure on them will push them away from coming to you and they may suffer in silence. Stay connected in the background but let them experience their newfound independence.  

 
Parting from our young adults is never easy but accepting and acknowledging the fact that they are growing up and trying to be independent is important to their growth and confidence. So, taking step back, being patient and supporting is very empowering them to find themselves. At the same time taking care of yourself is vital during this transition. 

Click here to read 5 Tips For Parents To Cope Once Children Go Back To University.

Feel free to contact me at clearskytherapyis@gmail.com 

What is counselling? 

Counselling is a way of exploring your issues and difficulties with someone who is trained in how to. Counselling provides consistency, non-judgemental, confidential space where you can talk about your fears, confusion and gain insight and understanding into what is causing you discomfort in your life with the help of a neutral trained professional.

How does Counselling help? 

Counselling helps to explore, understand and become aware of your feelings. Gaining the above may help you to cope better and se things from different perspective and hopefully move on in your life with greater understanding and confidence.

What is stigma? 

Stigma is a negative label, belief, and misconception about a particular subject/topic. 

What are the myths and truths? 

Stigma about counselling is obstacles, which prevents one from seeking help and/or better themselves. It is generalised belief that if you need or even think about counselling which might mean that you are going mad, you are a nutcase, you are losing it or you have mental health problems and you might end up in mental institute. Fear of ending up in a mental institute or being a nut case is overwhelming and scary and one can than do many things to avoid thinking they have issues, problems or difficulties or they are unable to cope with it or their day to day life. Needing help also seen as a weakness. Needing or seeking help specially like counselling is looked down upon in many cultures. It is believed that one should not talk to a stranger about their problems, one should be able to deal or resolve their problems by themselves or by talking to a close family members or with a close friends or in many culture it is advised to sweep it under the carpet, stiff up a lip and get on with it. Often there is worry amongst the family member if they are being talked about and how they might be judged. It is also seen as bringing shame on family. What will others might think. A bit of guilt and shame on the parents, partners and family members if they feel they may have a part in family member needing/seeking counselling. Unfortunately the same stigma is passed to young people as well.

Seeking counselling is a very healthy approach, it is logical, realistic and right way of going about resolving issues and difficulties when it has not resolved in other ways tried. It is also indication of accepting that one has issues and difficulties in their life due to past experiences and/or present circumstances and it may feel overwhelming and confusing.  Sometimes it is difficult to explore this with friends and/or family members; as they might be the part of the problems and/or might not be able to empathise or perhaps, you might not want the advise and just wants to be heard, listened to and understood. It might be that you need the clarity and understanding on what the issues are in reality.

There might be on going issues from your childhood/past which may have also become a repeated pattern and you are not aware or sure how to break or overcome.

What is the role of a counsellor?

A trained counsellor’s job is to provide you with consistency, provide you with a confidential, safe space for you to openly express your feelings and to talk about your issues and difficulties without feeling being judged. A counsellor is a neutral, qualified, experienced professional who comes with you on your journey, go with your pace, hold you, listen to you and try and understand your difficulties and issues from your perspective and understand you and use that understanding and her/his skills to explore and guide you and help you to bring into your awareness and help you to understand why you feel the way to help you gain insight and hopefully help you to move forward with confidence and positivity and maybe learn how to cope with your difficulties.

One should not feel ashamed in seeking help or guidance. It is not a weakness. It is a strength – strength of recognising and accept that you are going through a rough time, having some issues and difficulties and importantly you want to do something about resolving it and overcome your difficulties. It is about having that control to take charge and change how you feel to how you would like to be and feel. It is about getting clarity, understanding and being aware of roots of your issues and difficulties and improves the quality of your life and your relationship with others.